Welcome to the den — the official home of History Hyenas, the wildest, loudest, most unhinged comedy podcast on the internet.

We are Chris Distefano (aka Chrissy Pick Up the Babi, Chrissy Chaos) and Yannis Pappas (aka Freddy Feta Cheese), two smoothie-drinking history cuties from Bay Ridge doing what we do best: going absolutely feral over history, nature, current events, peptides, and whatever chaotic shit flies into our heads.

We mix real history lessons with pure stupidity, high-energy rants, and zero-filter banter. One minute we’re breaking down ancient battles or weird historical figures like actual scholars, the next we’re ranking the most unhinged moments in human history or arguing about who’s more off the beam.

But here’s the real tea:

The free episodes you hear everywhere? That’s just the scraps. The real Hyena experience lives on Patreon.

If you’re still a tute (a lowly free listener consuming our leftovers), it’s time to level up. The non-tutes — our paid Patreon members — are the high-ranking alphas of the matriarchy. You eat first. You get the unedited episodes, bonus content, early releases, and all the extra wild shit we can’t drop on the main feed.

The non-tutes keep the pack alive. Because of you loyal hyenas, we’re able to stay feral and keep pumping out content. Your support means everything.

So if you’re tired of being a tute with fumes, stop playing small. Join the Patreon, throw your pseudo-penis in the air, and become a proud non-tute. You’ll get fed properly while the tutes fight over whatever we throw out later.

This isn’t just a podcast. It’s a pack. A loud, chaotic, smoothie-fueled matriarchy where the non-tutes run the show.

Are you in or are you still out here being a tute?

Cackle with us. Support the boys. Join the real Hyenas on Patreon.

Now wave ’em around like you just don’t care.

— Chris & Yannis The Bay Ridge Boys / Smoothie-Drinking History Cuties